So, I’ve been watching the show Jon & Kate Plus 8 for some time. I think the kids are adorable, and it’s interesting to get a look into other people’s family, especially one that is so large. As many people know, there have been all kinds of rumors floating around about him cheating on her, her cheating on him – all that to say, I’m sure they only know the truth. And it’s even more difficult to know the real story with all of television’s ‘creative editing’ and producers that need high ratings. And I’m usually not one to comment a ton on reality TV, but for some reason, last night’s episode has been on my mind.
So for those of you who don’t watch the show, basically it’s a reality TV show about a family “Jon & Kate” and then they have a set of twins who are like 8 or 9 I think, and then they have sextuplets who are 5 years old, needless to say there life is pretty hectic. Last night was a heartbreaking show where they announced that they were getting divorced.
I know that divorce has become such a common thing in Hollywood, heck even in every day life (what’s the statistic now, +50%), but I guess I hoped that they would find a way to push through it. If you’ve watched the show, the producers have done a good job as portraying Kate as the bossy/selfish/pants-wearing wife/mom, while Jon was protrayed as the passive/pushover/’yes Kate’ dad/husband. Now whether that was a true depiction of them, who knows, but I’m sure it’s based on some sort of truth, and I don’t think that their story is a new one. The bossy wife who pushes her passive husband away to the point that he becomes resentful/hateful. That is definitley the way it appeared on last night’s show. Kate appeared to be very sad, saying that this isn’t what she wanted – she didn’t want to be alone, Jon wouldn’t talk to her anymore; while Jon appeared to be almost happy about his new freedom, saying this was for the best, etc.. All the while they both kept repeating the phrase, “our kids are the most important priority,” they always have been and they always will be.
Anyways, I was thinking a lot last night while I was waiting to fall asleep about my marriage and our future family, Lord willing. I’m pretty nervous about having kids, I don’t think that’s a secret to anyone that knows me. Kids are a big deal. I’ve seen many people in my life make their kids “their #1 priority” while their marriages fall to pieces. And it makes me think about a couple things:
1. Should kids be your #1 priority? Even ahead of your marriage?
2. What does it do to your kids when they become your only focus?
3. Why does it seem so many mother’s priorities seem to be something like this 1. kids, 2. daily duties/job,
3. “God”, 4. husband, 5. self
Maybe I am being judgemental, and it is absolutley correct that I have no idea what it would be like to be a mom, but I can’t seem to get past the fact that your husband should come first, before your kids. After God, which should be first – your husband/your marriage should come next. Maybe it’s hard to do once you have a family, maybe it’s not right, I don’t know – just talking out loud here. But it makes sense to me, if your kids are important to you, then they need a mom and dad that are united, not just for ‘the kids,’ but that are truley one unit, and to me, the only way to accomplish that is to put the marriage ahead of the kids
Adam and I have been so blessed to have some great people pour some great wisdom into our lives, and I hope that when the time comes for us to have a family that we will be able to remember what they have shared with us. And we have menitoned so many times before that divorce is not even an option, it’s just not. And I know that it’s easy to say now, and that more than likely at some point it will be more difficult to keep saying, but that is what we believe. It’s sad that this reality family that has made so much money and fame on TV, and what started as a great idea now shows a family in ruins. I know the Lord can work through any situation and I pray that He will here for sure.
I was reading this morning some people’s advice to this couple, “watch Fireproof – it will save your marriage, get counseling, pray, get divorced it’s over, Kate you should leave him, Jon – way to go! she was mean, etc.” And the truth is that we don’t know the truth about their marriage, I hope that they have people close to them that are speaking truth into their lives, and I pray that if Adam and I ever face rough and difficult times in our future, that we will have people walking beside us who arent’ afraid to speak harsh truth into our lives at that time. This post has been a little random, just some thoughts I wanted to share.
2 responses so far ↓
Melody // June 23, 2009 at 9:29 pm |
I watched the show last night too, and also laid in bed thinking about it all. It honestly seems like every family or couple who decides to allow the cameras into their home and film their “reality,” ends up divorced. Why is that? And if that happens more often than not, why in the world would anyone willingly allow their family to go through that? Jon and Kate both kept saying, “best for the kids- like its always been,” and I just dont believe that. Who would ever think that it is best for your kids to be filmed and their family scrutinized and willingly invite the papparazzi into their lives?
I was so sad watching the episode. I think we had all secretly hoped that they would work things out. Its funny though, because in previous episodes where Kate was depicted so horribly, we all felt sorry for Jon. After last night, watching him with his new earrings, talking about his second chance and how young he is, and even his little slip of the tongue when he said, “I have to do what’s best for me….and of course, my kids.” It made me so sad for him. And her. As far as her being bossy before, perhaps she was a jerk from time to time, but who isn’t? I’m sure editing made sure to put the worst moments in there for publicity. And if she had to become bossy due to trying to organize and run their home, with little or no input by him, then why is that her fault? Sometimes the man just needs to step up and truly lead their family!!
The really discouraging part of the disolving of their marriage was that because they claimed to be Christian, people expected more. Though frankly, they were not ever blatantly “Christian” on the show. Wouldnt it be awesome if a true Christian family would show what life looks like and how their home is different? Where the family loads up and goes to church, prays together, has balance in their lives, and does not parade around claiming to have it all together? Mostly, like you stated so perfectly, where the husband and wife each have their own relationnship with God, and daily choose to put that relationship first and their marriage second. Where they spend time together, alone, talking, laughing, and praying…not simply sitting down on a couch and discussing their kids.
I’ll admit, the balance of caring for kids can be difficult. There are times we have to stop and remind ourselves that all we have talked about is Ryleigh. I’m learning that I have to be more diligent in my time, choosing to reach out and spend time with Jesse and connect with him on a level that is not simply the father of my children. That HE is my number one priority and that me choosing to love him and meet his needs is extremely important for the well-being of our children (like you said!) God created the marriage relationship so special and so vital to the health of the family.
Wow, this might be the longest comment in history. I’m sure it is scattered too, but I had to chime in and say how much I agreed with what you said, and I’m praying that through all this drama, God is working something awesome, even if we cannot see beyond the cameras.
Sarah Keymer // June 24, 2009 at 4:28 pm |
amen… i watched the show too – i literally felt sad about it for 2 days after – I was hoping they would be an example for other couples and choose to work on “fixing” the “unfixable” marriage. so so sad. BUT – more motivation to put forth the effort to continuously work on my marriage!