I was looking through my old emails from college and came across this, it definitely brings back some memories. For those of you who attended college between 1999-2004 you might remember some of these, and don’t pretend like you don’t remember:
Everyone tells you about the vices that you will be faced with when you go to college; drinking, smoking, drugs, all of which can turn into vicious addictions. And there are a myriad of programs helping those who are alcoholics, smokers, and drug addicts. But where are the support groups for the REAL college addictions?
NAPSTER: Sure, it seems innocent enough. Let me just download this one song that I HAVE to have. But soon that one song isn’t enough, you’ve had a taste, and now you’re hooked. You become jealous of your roommate’s extensive collection, or a car drives by your dorm room blasting your soon to be favorite song.
You spend hours downloading. Just when you think there isn’t another song you could possibly want, at 3 am the punks downstairs start blast Nelly’s Ride Wit Me (with the base turned up so high intitially you thought your rustic AKA old and decrepit dorm was collapsing). So you spring out of bed chastising yourself for being so neglectful for having forgotten that classic (meanwhile the fact that you also forgot to study for your psyche test doesnt faze you).
Then you stare at the screen, with great anticipation, watching the song download with the speed of a one-legged hurdler. Then an hour and twenty minutes later, when you have 99% of the song there is a Transfer Error and you lose the whole dern thing. Then whenever you hear Ride Wit Me, instead of enjoying the song like you used to, you are fulled with scorn because you dont have it safely tucked away on your hard drive.
Then when you go to write a paper (because thats what you swore to your parent’s the brand new computer was for) you can’t save the document because there is no more room. So you tearfully delete the theme song to Gilligan’s Island (which has brought you hours of enjoyment) to make room for your History
paper. You contemplated deleting your Billy Joel collection that you cut class for three days and it took you 72 hours to download. The aggravation of it all was probably not worth the $20 it would have cost to buy his greatest hits CD.
Meanwhile the hundreds of dollars you spent on CDs in the past is wasted because you havent listened to a CD since you moved in. So you swear that you’ve had enough of Napster and you hate it and you hope it
gets crushed in court and you’ll never use it again. But the NAPSTER icon is still there, lurking on your screen, waiting for you to have a relapse.
INSTANT MESSENGER: On the surface, a great way to keep in touch with your high school pals. But beyond the facade (i know, big college vocab word) it’s a sinister force keeping you from studying or sleeping. You could be studying or reading and you hear the sound of the door opening and it sends you hurdling for your computer to see who just signed on.
It is nice to chat and keep in touch, but soon instant messenger begins to dominate your life. You hear the message bleeps in your dreams. You start to refer to your friends by their screennames. It also encourages extreme laziness. You find yourself iming your roommate who is sitting next to you at her
computer to ask what time she wants to go to dinner. But then there are the lonely times when no one is signed on or everyone has an away message.
One would think you’d be able to study during these lonely times but NOOOO! You sit and read everyone’s away messages. You might stop to study for five minutes, then you get up again to see if anyone’s away message changed while you were gone.
In a way, the Away Message is an addiction in itself. You spend hours sitting at your computer, thinking of a clever away message. You thrive on the compliments and messages that friends leave you. But then there are those days when you couldn’t think of anything funny to say, or maybe you just didn’t have time.
You get back to the dorm and no one left you a message, even though you were gone for several hours. You feel empty, like you disappointed everyone. You start judging your self worth by the quality of your away message and the responses it receives.
You get nervous sitting in class, you can’t concentrate, wondering who’s on line, if they’re reading your away message, what do they think, what conversations are you missing? Then you race back to the dorm, grunt hello at your roommate (who is on instant messenger), plop at your desk and as you place your hands on the keys and hear the familiar, comforting bleeps of a buddy saying hello, you finally feel at peace.
SNOOD: DO NOT DOWNLOAD SNOOD!! I don’t care who tells you it is a great game, how much fun it looks, or the happiness you think it will bring you. It is the DEVIL. It’s only purpose is to serve as a distraction from completing homework. I do not care how much will power you think you have,
this game will destroy you.











